Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
