it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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