I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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