I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
