She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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