I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
