Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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