Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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