i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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