Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
