But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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