I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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