You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
