White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Terrible idea I love it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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