I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
