I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
