Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're a waste of cheezeits
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
