I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
