I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
