last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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