He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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