I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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