if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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