the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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