I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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