He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
