drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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