Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
