Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
