mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
