3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
