don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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