We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
