I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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