So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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