I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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