Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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