I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
