Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
