my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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