I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Farmville is her only friend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
