I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
