we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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