Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
