I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
