you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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