he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
