my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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