So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
