Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
NoShamevember. You game?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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