Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
