I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Life is so much better after having sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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